the heart's memory
by champion lyra
Summary: It was no wonder he had betrayed his father at all. —DataStormShipping, RyokenYusaku. For DataStorm December 2019!


**Notes**

Hello! I hope you all had a good Monday :) My anniversary gift yesterday from the universe was an early release from work due to power outage issues, so my Monday was pretty good LOL. Anyways, though, here's another thing you'll have to pry from my cold, dead hands: Ryoken introspection after a nightmare, lmao. I wrote a bunch of these during NanNoWriMo, so a lot of these will be very self indulgent pff. I hope you enjoy anyways!

This one is for **day 2**: three things!

* * *

Staring at the screen, Ryoken didn't know what to think. There were so many screams - so much terror in those young children's voices, and just like when he was eight years old, he didn't know what to do. How to fix it.

And also just like when he was eight years old, one child in particular drew him in.

Test Subject 006. Yusaku Fujiki. The final child needed for the Hanoi Project, and the final child that Ryoken had brought to his father. The first child that he had met that seemed to genuinely want to be his friend. Every other child had been picked out by the others, but Yusaku had been found by chance. It wasn't like Ryoken had been in the area scouting for his father - he'd been coming home from school. He'd just wanted a friend.

The sight hurt him to watch even though a decade has passed. Seeing him on the floor, looking like he was about to give up… Ryoken could hardly take it now. It was no wonder his eight year old self had grabbed the headset and done his best to encourage that child. To try and give him a reason to keep going.

It was no wonder he had betrayed his father at all.

* * *

It felt like it had been a long time since the last time Ryoken had dreamed about this, but he knew it had only been a few months at most. If he thought about it for more than a few moments, he'd know the exact number, and almost want to laugh about it.

Still, though, it never got any easier no matter how much time was in between these dreams. He could see everything in perfect detail, almost as if it was a moving snapshot in his head. He could never do anything, never say anything - it was as if his brain wanted him to suffer for what he had allowed to happen for so many months. He was forced to just _sit_, and watch.

He'd stopped crying long ago, however. Now, Ryoken just did his best to atone and take everything in. It hurt, it always would hurt, but he knew there was no escape from it. It was the world's worst lucid dream.

He noticed more now. When he first started having these dreams, years and years ago, he only noticed Yusaku. Only noticed the boy that he spent so long crying over, the boy that he had betrayed and killed his own father for; wondering if his words ever meant anything to him.

As he got older, and put Playmaker's identity together, he understood how much they had meant to him. By then he was too far gone, though, and it didn't matter. It had taken so long, and so many steps forward in life, for it to matter once again. Something had changed, though.

Now the other children mattered, too.

Jin Kusanagi, who now served him his hot dogs when he stopped by to visit Cafe Nagi. The child who had once been the most damaged of them all now lived a carefree and happy life because of his Ignis in all of it's irony. The younger Kusanagi sibling had fully blossomed over the year since Lightning's defeat, and was now attending Den City High School for the first time. He was a bit behind the other students, but he didn't seem to mind; just happy to have his life back.

Takeru Homura had unexpectedly become his close confident. When they had parted ways after their duel, it certainly hadn't been on _bad _terms, but Ryoken had never imagined that they would end up speaking so much. Though he had moved back to his hometown, he visited Ryoken often in the new Link VRAINS, and was shining as brightly as ever. It was almost funny to think how once they had not understood each other at all.

Miyu Sugisaki, though he didn't know much about her, was apparently doing just fine. He'd heard from Akira Zaizen that she practically lived at his house, now that she and Aoi had reunited, and Ryoken was glad for it. She had recovered spectacularly, and was working her way up the ranks of famed charisma duelists. If memory served him right, Ryoken thought as his eyes shifted to the screen that displayed her smaller form, she was the favorite to uproot Onizuka from his position of number one now that Blue Angel had retired. Though he didn't know her, he was proud of her all the same.

Windy's child always left a sour taste in Ryoken's mouth, however. The fact that he had been recovering, as seen from his Knights' research, and had his life ripped out from under him made his blood boil in a way he never thought was possible. Watching him struggle on the screen, knowing what would become of him, never failed to make him sick to his stomach.

And of course, watching Spectre was a different thing entirely. While the other five children were struggling and screaming, Spectre truly did seem to be enjoying himself. It wasn't something Ryoken had thought of much when he was eight years old, but now it was something he noticed very prominently. Despite everything, he was glad Spectre had decided to come to him so long ago. They weren't bound by blood, but he was his brother in everything but. Even after all these years, even though they no longer lived together, there were very few people Ryoken trusted more.

Just one, in fact.

Yusaku Fujiki. The boy he had thrown everything away for.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity, Ryoken's eyes snapped open to the sound of his alarm, and he turned it off as quickly as possible. Rolling over, he buried his face into the back of the person who had been sleeping almost soundly next to him.

"Good morning, Ryoken," Yusaku murmured, twisting himself around so that their noses were now touching. "Sleep okay?"

"Had that dream again," Ryoken said quietly, closing his eyes as he breathed in _Yusaku_. "It's been awhile."

Yusaku made a noise, pulling his boyfriend in as close as he could. "Yeah," he agreed. "How many months now? Four?"

Ryoken shook his head, burying his face into Yusaku's hair now. "Three, of course," he said, almost wanting to laugh once more. "I can't even be surprised anymore."

Three. It was the number that haunted Ryoken since that day, so long ago, that he first tried to encourage Yusaku in that small, white room. He hadn't known what to say when he saw the child, back then, and he had known he wouldn't have a lot of time to say _anything_. If he took too long, he might've been caught, and that would've been the end of his attempts before he even really got the chance to try.

Back then, he'd thought up the first few things that came to his mind. Three just seemed like a good number - an easy one to count to and remember, even at such a young age. Ryoken had known, even when he was so little, that not everyone was as well educated as he was. Most of the kids in his class back then didn't have the extra tutors that his father had him study under, and most of their family members weren't SOL Technology research employees to begin with.

But those words, they had served as such an important connection between him and the person he had grown to care most about. Despite how often it popped up in his life, now, he could never find it within himself to be upset over it. Part of him knew it had to be conformation bias. His inner scientist wouldn't let him believe it was purely coincidence - that would be near impossible. Some days, though, he wondered. The universe had always worked in mysterious ways.

Yusaku snorted, tearing Ryoken away from his thoughts. "I swear your brain does that on purpose," he said, voice deadpan in what Ryoken knew to be an attempt at a lighter mood. He was glad for it, though. He'd never liked dwelling on that particular dream. "Should I make you three eggs for breakfast, too?"

Shaking his head again, Ryoken rolled his eyes. "You'll burn them, but sure." It was a wonder his boyfriend still worked at Cafe Nagi with how terrible of a cook he was. It was a wonder Yusaku had survived on his own, honestly. "Burn my toast, too, if you wouldn't mind."

Prying Ryoken off of him, Yusaku stretched after he got up off their bed. "Should I burn your orange juice, too?" The quip was said gently, however, just like the one previous. It made him feel warm; the feeling slowly taking over the leftover pain from his dream.

Before Yusaku left the room to so kindly start on burning their breakfast, Ryoken couldn't help but call out to him one last time. "Yusaku?" He waited, watching from the bed as Yusaku paused by the doorway. "I love you."

Even though everything had settled down long ago, at this point, that dream still made Ryoken feel so _vulnerable_. It made him feel eight years old again, for obvious reasons, trapped in the worst possible moment of time.

It wasn't just seeing Yusaku, either, though Ryoken would readily admit to himself he was still the child that struck him the hardest. It was all of them, and what they had gone through. At least with most of the children, he could see them now; see how they had grown and blossomed into their own people, free of the will of his father. Windy's child, now, hurt him in ways he had never thought possible, since that child never got to have a future.

Part of him felt guilty for how much he looked towards the other children when he thought about it in that light. Windy's child - he didn't even know the child's _name_, hadn't even _wanted _to hear it after finding out what had happened to them - had their time cut short, and most of it had likely been spent miserable and trying to learn how to heal for a life they would never get to lead.

If he could turn back time, though, he wasn't sure if his eight year old self could've been convinced to call any earlier. Even knowing what he did now, he still struggled with the fact that he had been the cause of his father's death. Some days, he still hadn't let go of that as much as he thought he should've.

And yet, that one child, Test Subject 006. Yusaku Fujiki. Despite that guilt, still, despite putting him in the beast's mouth himself, that child still loved him with everything he had. Nothing made him feel as vulnerable as that.

They'd worked through it, for the most part, but there were still days. Days where Ryoken struggled, days where he wasn't sure if he was worthy.

Days where he wasn't sure if he was just doing this to try and ease the guilt.

But then there were days like that morning, where after that dream, he was just so glad to see Yusaku _alive_. Alive, and breathing, and _smiling_. Maybe not fully on his face - he was still not the most emotive person on the planet by any stretch of the imagination - but Ryoken could always see it in his eyes. The child that had captivated him then as his first potential friend had turned out to be so much more important than he would've ever guessed, back then.

"I love you, too," Yusaku replied, turning his head back to flash Ryoken a small smile, before padding down the hall into the kitchen to start on breakfast.

Yes. Despite everything that had happened, despite the pain, and the ten years of confusion and loss between them… despite their eventually rivalry, turned to unexpected allies, turned to the relationship they had now…

Despite everything, Ryoken was glad he had met that child that fateful day.

And he was sure Yusaku felt the same.

* * *

**Notes**

As I said, self indulgent lmao. Anyways, I'll make sure to reply to everyone soon! And thanks to everyone for all the well wishes yesterday. It made me so happy :D I hope your Tuesday goes well and I can't wait to read what everyone has next for the event! See y'all tomorrow!


End file.
